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Tuesday 7 February 2012

...even more waffle

I am a ridiculous-situation magnet.

It's my own fault. I have one of those brains that thinks it is coming up with imaginative solutions to  urgent problems. Take this very afternoon. Mr B was down on his knees in the road changing a tyre on the car of a dear relative. The car had been parked on the roadside after having sustained a nasty puncture and, having ferried said relative home, we had returned to complete what DH assured me was a two minute job...

It was towards evening and a slight drizzle was extracting itself from the damp dusky air. The wee folks were getting bored in the back of our car and chose to advertise the fact to passing traffic by pressing various facial contortions in combination against the steamy windows.

I was standing by the front of the punctured car providing witty repartee and sage advice on removing stubborn nuts and bolts, that sort of thing...when the interior designer in me noticed that Mr B's trousers and indeed jacket were an awfully good match for the tarmac.

Concerned for the eyesight of the oncoming motorists, I betook myself to the rear of the vehicle and stood there boldly advertising the fact that there was 'work-going-on' at the side of the road, reasoning that the oncoming traffic could not fail to notice me nodding and winking at them with my arms folded in a serious stance.

Had we been in France, where the sensible road law insists that folks carry reflective vests, myself and DH would have been boldly attired in luminous yellow but, alas, we are not French... and the interior designer in me allowed at least half a dozen motors to pass before recognizing that my jumper and indeed jeans were in a hue with the punctured automobile in the same way that my crouching DH looked like a small boulder on the road....and that anyone who had spotted me at all was probably vaguely aware of a bluish white bodiless face floating roughly 5 and a half feet from the ground...

My solution? - simple and elegant. With flourish I withdrew a crumpled white sheet from the open boot of the injured car and slung it over my shoulder, I was now a bright beacon to behold. In my head, DH was safe to continue the business of replacing the wheel while I boldly stood by advertising the fact that a man was at work on the roadside. Headlights reflected marvelously well off the sheet and I sensed a pat on the back was due me.

DH seemed to speed up mightily, buoyed no doubt by the able support of a good woman...

It was only as I was folding up the decorating sheet that I noticed the thin grin and the side to side shaking of the ginger head...was he laughing at me? I asked him as much.

"I was just wondering why you didn't put the car lights on?" he said...." and you would have looked less of a muppet if the sheet hadn't had that big yellow stain on it...."

I will go to bed tonight re-running the scene in my head, praying that none of the two dozen or so cars that passed contained anyone who knows me....

22 comments:

  1. Claire, you so made my day. I'm sitting here giggling and holding my sides. But rest assure - i could have been the "heroine" of that story any day!

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  2. aaaahahahahahahaha. love it!!!

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  3. Smiles. I have the talent for ridiculous too.

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  4. Hahaha!!! This was a great post!

    How about the time when I was pregnant, and the doctor was inspecting my cervix, announcing that he could definitely feel the head... only for me to say "Is it hairy?"

    WHAT?! As soon as it came out, I knew how stupid I must have seemed. My hubby will NEVER let me live that one down...

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  5. Oh my gosh Claire...this tale had me giggling imagining in my head how comical you must have looked. I love your tales of mishap.

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  6. Oh Claire, what a visual I have in my hea dof your situation! My DH thinks I'm nuts as I sit at my computer LMAO!! Thanks for that!

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  7. Oh MY! Heeee! Such a funny story...I love that your DH called you a muppet :)

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  8. Claire - you missed your calling - you're a great storyteller!! Must be that Irish blood! You had me looking like a muppet myself - mom sitting by herself in her crafty room laughing hysterically! Last time that happened they found me laying on my back when my chair flipped over - exciting stuff - crafting - you never know what can happen! Tell Mr. B to BEHAVE!!

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  9. *giggle* That would TOTALLY be me! Glad all are safe and well...all because of your efforts!! ;)

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  10. Claire, not only are you talented visually, but also in the verbal arts. You are quite a story teller!

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  11. What a sight!!!! but for the weather I wish I had been there.........what am I talking about it's wet, wet, wet here too!
    Read somewhere you'de been struck down with the flu.....sorry to hear and hope you're feeling much better....Though if you will stand by the side of the road in miserable weather.....You should have been sitting pulling faces with the little ones!

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  12. I love your stories, Claire! You always make me smile. I'm so glad that you and Mr. B finished the task without mishap, because changing a tire in a dusky drizzle can be a bit dodgey.

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  13. Thanks for the giggle Claire, I have loved reading your waffle, I think it sounds just like the one sided conversation that goes on in my brain.

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  14. But a muppet with a sense of self-preservation and care and concern for the hubby! I just giggled when I read this - so easy to visualise and imagine myself probably doing the exact same thing! Glad you are safe and the WMS are therefore guaranteed to continue!

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  15. LOL!!! Thanks Claire - just what I needed to start off the day! Hugs xx

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  16. You have a fabulous way with words Claire. I had to wait and stop laughing before I wrote this!!
    Hugs
    Carol x

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  17. Claire, you tell the best stories!!! Save all these posts and compile them in a book: it'd be a best seller!! You sure do paint a good picture with words!! Hugs, and hopes for dry weather for you and no more road adventures!!

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  18. PLEASE write a book post haste! I shall be first in line for an autographed copy. Truly. :)

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  19. Hi Claire, Your post had me giggling. You were so creative!! and helpful>=. This is something I would have done too and of course not looked at the stain on the sheet. Thanks for making me giggle. :)

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