...even more waffle

I am a ridiculous-situation magnet.

It's my own fault. I have one of those brains that thinks it is coming up with imaginative solutions to  urgent problems. Take this very afternoon. Mr B was down on his knees in the road changing a tyre on the car of a dear relative. The car had been parked on the roadside after having sustained a nasty puncture and, having ferried said relative home, we had returned to complete what DH assured me was a two minute job...

It was towards evening and a slight drizzle was extracting itself from the damp dusky air. The wee folks were getting bored in the back of our car and chose to advertise the fact to passing traffic by pressing various facial contortions in combination against the steamy windows.

I was standing by the front of the punctured car providing witty repartee and sage advice on removing stubborn nuts and bolts, that sort of thing...when the interior designer in me noticed that Mr B's trousers and indeed jacket were an awfully good match for the tarmac.

Concerned for the eyesight of the oncoming motorists, I betook myself to the rear of the vehicle and stood there boldly advertising the fact that there was 'work-going-on' at the side of the road, reasoning that the oncoming traffic could not fail to notice me nodding and winking at them with my arms folded in a serious stance.

Had we been in France, where the sensible road law insists that folks carry reflective vests, myself and DH would have been boldly attired in luminous yellow but, alas, we are not French... and the interior designer in me allowed at least half a dozen motors to pass before recognizing that my jumper and indeed jeans were in a hue with the punctured automobile in the same way that my crouching DH looked like a small boulder on the road....and that anyone who had spotted me at all was probably vaguely aware of a bluish white bodiless face floating roughly 5 and a half feet from the ground...

My solution? - simple and elegant. With flourish I withdrew a crumpled white sheet from the open boot of the injured car and slung it over my shoulder, I was now a bright beacon to behold. In my head, DH was safe to continue the business of replacing the wheel while I boldly stood by advertising the fact that a man was at work on the roadside. Headlights reflected marvelously well off the sheet and I sensed a pat on the back was due me.

DH seemed to speed up mightily, buoyed no doubt by the able support of a good woman...

It was only as I was folding up the decorating sheet that I noticed the thin grin and the side to side shaking of the ginger head...was he laughing at me? I asked him as much.

"I was just wondering why you didn't put the car lights on?" he said...." and you would have looked less of a muppet if the sheet hadn't had that big yellow stain on it...."

I will go to bed tonight re-running the scene in my head, praying that none of the two dozen or so cars that passed contained anyone who knows me....